5 Reasons Parents Should Put Themselves First
How many times have you put aside your own needs and desires to take care of your children first? Although our children’s health and safety are always paramount, there are times when it’s okay to devote your time and resources to doing things that make you happy, even if it means your children will have to come second.
This isn’t to say you should become totally self-centered and ignore your child’s need for time, attention and the family’s resources. Rather, there has to be a balance and going overboard in either direction is not good for you or your children.
Here are some reasons why it’s okay to put yourself and your partner first some of the time. Note that these reasons also apply to caregivers of elderly family members and disabled spouses.
1. Avoid parental burnout. Even easy babies and children require hours upon hours to care for them, much of it spent doing repetitive tasks that aren’t much fun. It’s easy to become burned out and unable to be fully present unless you take the time to do things that you find energizing and refreshing. You’ll be able to give more to your child if you make sure you take care of your own need for relaxation, exercise and intellectual stimulation.
2. Nurture your relationship with your partner. It’s often said that the best gift a parent can give to their children is a happy marriage and for good reason: Children feel safe and secure when they see that their parents are in a stable, happy relationship. Even if you are separated from their biological parent, seeing you in a loving partnership is a great example for them and a good foundation for a happy family life. Don’t worry if you’re not in a relationship, they’ll also learn wonderful life lessons from seeing how you can be self confident and happy even if you don’t have a partner.
3. Teach independence. It will be difficult for your child to be happy as an adult if they don’t learn how to be happy without 100% of the attention from those in their lives. Gradually give your child more time to learn to entertain themselves and be self sufficient in an age-appropriate way and you’ll find that they blossom in ways that they wouldn’t be able to if you continue to do everything for them.
4. Set a good example. Do you want your child to grow up thinking that they have to be at the beck and call of those that they love or would you rather they learn to set healthy boundaries and make sure their own needs are taken care of along with everyone else’s? Your child will learn a lot about healthy self esteem and self-care by watching how you balance your needs along with theirs.
5. Because you deserve it. Of course your child needs your love and devotion and a great deal of money and time to boot. There’s no denying that bringing a baby into this world means that you’ll have to make sacrifices but you are still a person who deserves to have your fair share of the family’s time and resources. You will be better able to enjoy all the wonderful benefits of being a parent if you take care of yourself along with everyone else.
It’s not always easy to put yourself first but keep yourself open to opportunities to take care of your own needs:
● Take up friends and family members on offers to babysit.
● Rotate duties with your partner so that you both can get some free time.
● Buy yourself some new shoes instead of yet another cute outfit for your baby that will be outgrown in three months.
● Enforce a daily downtime where your children can read or play quietly while you take a breather.
● Make what you like for dinner sometimes instead of catering to your kids.
● Limit your children’s extracurricular activities so that you aren’t completely frazzled all the time.
● Don’t neglect saving for your own retirement.
● Early bedtimes are good for kids and parents.
● Children can and should do chores around the house. You and your partner shouldn’t have to do it all.
● The PTA will not explode if you don’t volunteer for every committee.
● Every parent deserves to sometimes have a soda of their very own with no backwash in it.
● One hour of playing cars or dolls is plenty.
Make a plan today to make sure that your wants and needs aren’t being overlooked. You are an important member of your family just like everyone else, treat yourself like it!
Tracy O’Connor is the mother of 5 boys and a ghostwriter who also writes a personal humor blog.
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photo credit: ©istock/digitalskillet
