Are You Trapped in a Time Cage of Your Own Creation?

Are you constantly stressed, far too busy, overworked and never have any free time for anything that you enjoy doing? Do you feel like you have absolutely no control over your time and that it’s being stolen from you by all of your obligations? That if only everyone else would ease up on their demands you would have plenty of time to do with as you please?

The truth of the matter is that most of us are in time cages of our own devising. Because we don’t know how to set priorities, enforce boundaries and take charge of our own time, we allow our time cages to imprison us and feel hopeless to escape.

Every time you take on a responsibility or obligation, you are adding a bar to your time cage. You can only break free once you understand that you have much more control than you think and can set limits and make your own priorities.

Being in a time cage doesn’t mean that you are spineless or weak willed. Most people I’ve met who feel trapped got into this situation by a genuine desire to be helpful or to excel. The problem was that they didn’t know when to stop and when their actions were becoming counter-productive.

Symptoms of being in a time cage:

• A nearly constant sense of panic that you won’t get everything done
• Feelings of guilt over all the obligations you’ve yet to fulfill
• Resentment and anger whenever anyone asks you to do yet one more thing
• Feeling unappreciated or taken advantage of
• No time to ever do anything that you enjoy
• Not getting enough sleep because you’re staying up too late and waking too early to get everything done
• A sense of anger because you think you are not allowed to say no
• Drinking or smoking too much, eating too much or too little
• Not making the time for good self care such as exercise, eating wholesome foods or getting regular checkups

How to break free of your time cage:

It’s as simple as learning that you can say no and the world will get along just fine without you putting something else on your plate. You need and deserve to have enough time to eat properly, get enough rest and spend time with the people that you love and doing activities that relax and revive you.

You might feel there are certain situations where you can never say no, but for the most part, that’s simply not true. For example, in a work situation, you will have to spend your time doing work related tasks – that much is unavoidable – however it works out best for everyone in the long run if you can speak up when you’ve got more to do than can be reasonably done in the time allotted and ask for help in setting priorities or delegating the work to others.

Many times your boss and coworkers simply have no idea how much you already have on your agenda and will work with you to find a solution that works for everyone. That’s not to say there aren’t work situations that are unreasonable and should you find yourself in one, that’s a clear sign that it’s time to make a plan to move on. You don’t want to move up the ladder in that sort of work culture; your reward for working far too much will be getting to work even harder.

Work isn’t the only time cage

You no doubt want to do as much as you can for the people you love and the causes that are dear to your heart. That’s wonderful, but not at the expense of your mental, physical and spiritual well being. Believe it or not, sometimes you can even put your wants ahead of your children’s wants as long as you’ve got all their true needs covered. You’ll be a better parent, spouse and friend if you’re not burned out and frazzled.

There might be times when you feel you can’t say no because nobody else will step up. Know that the world will not come to an end if there isn’t a chair for this year’s fundraiser or a coach for the junior soccer team. It would be unfortunate and disappointing but you can’t bear the full responsibility for an entire community’s failure to provide.

You might be protesting that the world would be a pretty lousy place if everyone felt that way but the fact is everybody doesn’t feel that way. You don’t feel that way all of the time and when you do have the time and resources to help, you surely will. However if you are frayed at the ends and coming apart at the seams, you can take your break and help out once you’ve had the time to refresh your energy.

How to say no

The best way to say no is to be clear and firm, without being too defensive or apologetic. Simply say that you are happy to have been asked but unfortunately your schedule doesn’t permit you to take on anything extra at this time. Don’t feel like you are lying or fudging the truth, scheduling time for yourself to rest and relax and do something you enjoy is just as valid as a dentist appointment or work obligation.

If they persist, repeat that you aren’t able to make the time but that you wish them well. If you’d like to be asked in the future, mention that you are open to being asked next month or next year but don’t feel like you are obligated.

You don’t have to feel like you are trapped in a time cage with no control over your schedule. You can say no and you can set your own priorities and boundaries. There is nothing selfish with wanting time to take care of yourself and there is nothing wrong with being realistic about how much you can handle in a limited amount of time at work.

Most people will respect you for being protective and realistic about your time and in nearly every case those that don’t are being unreasonable or are letting their own pressures get to them. Taking care of yourself first is one of the most productive things you can do for yourself, your friends and family, your career and your community.

Tracy O’Connor is the mother of 5 boys and a ghostwriter who also writes a personal humor blog.

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